Being Open

I read Taylor Ellwood’s essay, The Power of Being Open in Magic, and began thinking about how lately I have been experiencing a transformation of self and slowly come to the realisation the power (and surprising ease) to just be transparent.

I have always been an intense person and especially in my childhood, encountered a lot of dissonance because who I was, or who I felt I was, was not compatible with who I was supposed to be.  It’s quite profound when seemingly disparate areas of my life run in parallel currents to one another.  I am seeing this phenomenon discussed in my doctorate research on leadership where female leaders are less readily accepted because they deviate from prototypical norms of a ‘masculine’ leader (Eagly, 2005, 2007; Eagly, Makhijani & Klonsky, 1992).  When they display attributes most commonly associated with good leadership (in most parts of the Western world), such as assertive, decisiveness and self-confidence, they are more likely to be resisted by the public because those characteristics are not seen to be congruent with their gender.

Likewise, “intensity” is not a trait commonly associated with a child.  Over the years, I learned that if I wanted to make friends, that side of myself needed to be subdued.  It has become a knee-jerk reaction now to soften my gaze or avert eye contact when I notice people shifting in their seats and speaking at a slightly higher pitch than what is comfortable to sound more feminine.

In three days, I am turning 23.  At this age, I don’t think there is any excuse to not be true to myself or to others (arguably, there never was).  I have begun to recognise that when I hold back who I am and present facets that are not authentic, people can tell I am hiding something.  Although what I am hiding may not be a bad thing, it nevertheless arouses suspicion, doubt and mistrust, to no one’s demise but my own.

It is better to give people third degree burns than it is to offer them a scented candle to represent the inferno.

This philosophy to be open has found me in the path of many Pagans and magicians with whom I would otherwise not have established contact.  Or in the chance I did, I would have censored myself in a way that never conveyed what I genuinely felt about them and their work while leaving them in the dark and in the cold.  My remarkably quick acquaintances have blown my mind and as a result, my system-in-progress of Plutonic Magic is advancing in leaps and bounds.

References

Eagly, A. H. (2005). Achieving relational authenticity in leadership: Does gender matter? Leadership Quarterly, 16(3), 459-474.

Eagly, A. H. (2007). Female leadership advantage and disadvantage: Resolving the contradictions. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 31(1), 1-12.

Eagly, A. H., Makhijani, M. G., & Klonsky, B. G. (1992). Gender and the evaluation of leaders: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 111(1), 3-22.

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